Dear ABBY: “My best friend”, as he described our relationship, moved in with me eight months ago. He claims he has no romantic feelings for me. Despite this, he sleeps in my bed next to me and kisses me. (He pretends to be asleep when he does this and says he doesn’t remember it happening.) He encourages us to be sexually intimate and texts me “I miss you” every day when I leave town to visit my mom.
He says he doesn’t want to be with me because “he doesn’t see me like that”. He also talks to another girl. He claims they’re also just friends and only having a platonic relationship, but I’ve seen kiss emojis, miss you texts, and nude photos they’ve exchanged.
I felt used and asked him to leave but he refused to accept my request. When I asked him why he lives with me, he said it’s because I’m a better alternative to sleeping on his mom’s couch next to her dog. I cannot express how painful it was to hear this.
At this point, he owes me $1,000 in unpaid rent, and I feel like I fell in love with someone who doesn’t even have the ability to love himself. How can I get this guy out of my home and out of my heart so that I no longer feel like a live-in maid, concubine, bank account, chef, and personal assistant in exchange for the privilege of being abused? — USED IN GEORGIA
DEAR USER: How do you get this bad excuse for a man out of your heart? From the tone of your letter, you are already more than halfway there. Turn off the money hat, leave the cooking and his laundry for him, and when he climbs into your bed, take him out and tell him if he wants sex, get it from his other “friend”. It would be money well spent for you to consult a lawyer about his refusal to leave your apartment because a formal eviction may be sought.
Dear ABBY: My sister recently got engaged. I am ecstatic about it. Her fiance is gorgeous. We have always been close and I will be her maid of honor. The problem is that since they’ve been dating and especially now that they’re getting married, I’ve been jealous. I feel like a little green monster when I see them together.
It’s not about her fiance—it’s that I couldn’t help but want someone too. It feels like a punch in the gut when they’re a couple and I’m the third wheel. I hate fighting these feelings when I’m really happy for both. But I feel jealous and then guilty that I feel this way, and I’m sorry that it tarnishes my true happiness. What should I do? – DON’T LIKE THIS FEEL
DEAR DON’T: I respect your willingness to respect your feelings. None of us are proud of feeling jealous, but most of us have experienced a crush at one time or another. (This may be why she is included in the list of the seven deadly sins.) Be happy that your sister has found her soul mate and please have faith that you will also meet yours. It may not happen today or tomorrow, but one day when you least expect it, you will come back and he will be there.
Dear Abby was written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at http://www.DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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